The Terrible Twos

Understanding child development can help parents through this inevitable stage

One moment they’re agreeable and adorable. The next they’re throwing the worst temper tantrum ever. Don’t worry— your child isn’t the only little gremlin on the block.

“Almost all children go through the terrible-twos stage sometime between 18 and 30 months,” says pediatric educator Cathy Rutman, R.N., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “Expect problems, and realize it’s not a reflection of your parenting.”

The terrible twos mark your toddler’s first crossroads: He’s advanced enough that he can do anything he wants physically, but he doesn’t yet understand the consequences. He yearns to express his independence, yet desperately wants your approval. And his vocabulary is growing, but not quickly enough to articulate every want and need.

This is a recipe for frustration. “How bad it gets depends on your child’s innate temperament,” Rutman says. “If he’s very active, strong-willed or doesn’t adapt well to change, this stage could be difficult.”

Two-year-olds are beginning to comprehend the “when/then” rule. For example, when you jump on the sofa, then you can fall and hit your head. Or when you kick the dog, then mommy or daddy will put you in “time out.” Just saying “no” or “stop” is no longer enough, says Debra Carter, M.D., a pediatrician with the hospital: “Two-year-olds are able to understand when you explain why they can’t do something.”

Focus on respecting the rules (“Don’t bite your brother or you’ll go into time out”), but pick your battles. “You can’t use time out for everything or it has no meaning,” Carter says.

During the learning curve, your child may dish out some Oscar-worthy drama. Here are tips to cope:

• Don’t make a big deal of it. Tell her you’ll come back when she’s quiet.
• Use a timer during time out so she can direct her anger at that instead of you.
• Allow her to express independence in safe ways, like choosing which top to wear.
• Make sure discipline is consistent from all your child’s caregivers.
• Talk to her doctor if she is violent or speech is delayed.

Remember, this stage is dubbed the “first adolescence.” It’s a good chance to practice for the next one.

Want to Know More about your child’s temperament? Call 610-402-CARE or click here.

Published from Healthy You Magazine, September-October 2008

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